The Rafiki Mwema Family

Our family is growing fast and we are very proud of each young lady that is with us. All our girls are 12 years or under and have experienced sexual abuse - and often other horrors too. We have three young ladies who witnessed their mother comit murder - you wonder just how much these little souls can cope with.

Play Kenya are bringing the girls into a safe enviroment where they are able to have time to adjust to the traumas they are experiencing. We offer them an accepting enviroment where the girls are respected by all. We encourage a family life that may be very alien to what they have lived through. We encourage their individuality and help then to continue with their education. When they are ready we introduce our attachment play programme with their key worker and then more specialised therapy.

I won't go into details of what story each girl brings but I will bring them to life for you with some delightful photos that capture the heart of Rafiki Mwema - but please don't be fooled - smiles do not cancel trauma. Many of our girls experience dark times and can be tearful and angry - of course they can - but we will work with them through the good and bad times. We will pull together to help make sense of their lives and help them smile from within.

We have too many children to introduce them all individually to you...

You can read a few of our stories below:
These children are amazing and smile through all their pain. They are children from many different background but all united by the simple fact that they have no family to care about them. Not all are orphans – some have family that are too poor to look after them; some families have simply moved on and abandoned their children to what ever fate deals them. Others are the victims of an incestuous relationship which would bring shame and violence to their families if they were kept with their mothers. Others have been raped – often by a family member; some are from the tough life of being a Kenya child living on the streets; others are victims of the recent clashes. One thing is sure – we are committed to making their lives better; of helping them to repair the pains inflicted on them by those who maybe could have cared more. All these children will be helped by the project that is Play Kenya. We will train local staff to work with these children, and so many more like them. We will help them heal their emotional scars.

Play Kenya are so keen to help sexually abused young girls in their difficult journey. As soon as our therapeutic house is up and running we will let you know the real life experiences of the girls in our care. Please help us to fund raise for this project by visiting our donate page - and really make a difference

Leah

Play Kenya became involved with Leah when she first arrived at Nyota home which is a new addition to The Mission in Action family.
Leah defies the stereotypical sexually abused child. She is warm open and very happy to talk to everyone about her abuse – so surely she doesn’t need therapy? Surely, if she can talk to people and is relaxed and flirtatious with the teenage boys in the same children's home she must be ok – mustn’t she?

No – it doesn’t work like that. Children, and remember she was a very young child when her father, a figure of protection and safety for most children, began raping her. This has left Leah with an inability to regulate her personal boundaries. In reality she may go on to be sexually promiscuous and emotionally stunted. She has no understanding of what ‘love’ is – we don’t know what her father told her through these many violations – but we do know that what happened to Leah wasn’t born from love.
But Leah can be helped. She has already started on an Attachment Play Program and she will move on to work, with a trained member of staff, to address her many issues through an approach known as Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy. She will be supported through a process including Playful, Accepting, Curious, Empathic (PACE) and we at Play Kenya are hopeful we can help Leah. It is essential that Leah experiences genuine attachment and learns to understand and address her own shame that she may be experiencing in this horrific crime of which she was a victim.
Play Kenya also tries to bring experiences into the children's lives which are playful and fun and we recently took many children to a big gardens were they were allowed to be children – lunch in town is always a huge treat to this young people!

Franko

In October Mary (Mission in Action) and I sat with Franko to record his attachment story, which enables me to assess and record his attachment and to record any successes that may be achieved through his Attachment Play Program. Nothing prepared me for what happened.
This young man has been subject to so much, along with his siblings. His violent father used to systematically beat their mother in front of their children. Eventually he beat them to death in front of Franko (5), Njao (3) and Miriam (1).
Franko told this story through a series of controlled play scenarios. As a therapist I am so aware of the impact this trauma will have on this young family. As a human being, nothing could have prepared me for the shame that this young man was carrying around with him. He, at the tender age of 5, felt he should have done more. He believed that he had let his mother down. He felt he should have saved her. To see him, through dolls and play, stand up to the violent beast that was his father, and shout down the evil being was harrowing to the core. I will wear that image a lifetime.
Franko and Njao present themselves as happy young children with no problems. They keep their heads down and try not to attract attention. Miriam takes on the world with her fists. She is delightful and loving to every adult that arrives at Mission in Action. All these children are in desperate need of support. Play Kenya is giving them that help.
Franko has experienced so many traumas in his life and has felt the responsibility of caring for his younger siblings and filial therapy has given him the opportunity of reliving those experiences in a safe environment. When he first came to MIA he found it difficult to adjust and would often make the wrong choices with his behaviours. Since beginning the play program at the orphanage his behaviour has improved and he is a much happier young man. He still has many issues to explore but his future looks positive.

Njao

Njao has learnt to not show his negative side and this allows carers to judge him as happy – but he also needs to be allowed to show the demons he has witnessed through his play. The fact he is in control in his sessions is a reflection of his need to control. Njao is the type of child that often becomes invisible in a group of children and he really needs a good relationship with his carer to work through his own past.

Miriam has encountered so much in her little life and witnessed things we cannot imagine. People believe that if a child sees things before they speak they have no words to memorise the act by – But Miriam is living proof that that is not so. Every smack she delivers – every angry time she hits out is a memory. Through play Miriam needs to be allowed to hit and smack her toys while her carer speaks about the emotions she is feeling. This will need lots of careful handling so it is different from ‘just hitting’. Anger in a baby as young as Miriam is a very sad and scary place to be and she will be feeling as if the whole world is attacking her. A long term piece of work for her to move to a better place and the opportunity to develop into a worthwhile member of her community..

Lucy

I have never met such a sad child as Lucy. Lucy was not able to respond to others, be they adults or children at MIA. She cried all the time and then it seemed ‘switched it off’ when a visitor arrived. Lucy was in turmoil and in desperate need of help. It was felt that Lucy was being manipulative and was badly behaved. That is such a common misconception when living with an emotionally abused child.
Lucy had lived in a violent home and had been witness to the sexual assault of her little sister Sophie. No-one really knows the extent of the abuse, physical, emotional and sexual that these beautiful young sisters went through.
The effects of abuse are damaging and long lasting. They can lead to serious behavioural, learning, emotional or mental disorders all of which affect the child's chances of developing into a healthy, well-adjusted adult.
Lucy has travelled a million emotional miles in her sessions. Her very first session she acted as a helpless baby and that is very much how she was feeling. She has gone through many transitions in her play and in how she is with the other children. She is no longer the little girl that cries all the time and feels excluded and different, but is beginning to be Lucy. In her play she has spent time with her dolls being beaten and left but very recently there is a rescue happening in her play sessions. This is a total reflection of how life feels for her. Once she had only fear and no hope but now she is beginning to feel that there is someone there for her. Lucy has a long emotional journey in front of her to help heal the scars of her life but she has taken that step towards her goal.
She has begun to smile more, cry less and mix with the other kids more. She still has nightmares and wets the bed, and like Sophie her treatment is on-going, but again there is hope for her future. Play Kenya will be part of her life for a while yet.

Sophie

A smiling Sophie! (above)

I first met Sophie when I was asked if there was anything I could do to help. She was around 18 months old and has the most horrific history. At the age of 6 months her father sexually abused her. He believed that if he had sex with a virgin it would rid him of AIDS; instead he physically and emotionally destroyed Sophie’s life. Sophie endured unimaginable physical injuries and almost unreachable emotional injuries. Sophie is HIV positive.
How could Play Kenya help this baby? When I first met Sophie she had been in the MIA (Mission in Action) family for a good few months and although Mary and Ivan (Founders of Mission In Action) felt she had made some progress she still had a long way to go. Sophie was very wary of strangers and found it difficult to be around the other children and staff. She did not smile or make eye contact. It was as if she had emotionally withdrawn from life. She was however very happy to be around her sister Lucy, who was also at MIA.
My first planned session with Sophie was to meet with her and see how she would respond to me. Sophie could not even bear to have me in the room even with her carer with her so it was obvious we would need to work through Anisha, who now works for Play Kenya. A long and slow journey began.
When she first began her play sessions she was very wary and cautious but through Anisha learning the skills of being reflective and letting Sophie lead in her play sessions a real attachment began to form. This is so important for an abused child, without the ability to form attachments the child will struggle throughout their entire lives.
Because of this relationship the transformation in Sophie has been outstanding. She no longer stands alone in the orphanage with the sadness of her short life etched on her face. She is to be found with the other kids playing and seeking out her carer. Her problems are far from over; her work is on-going but this is the beginning. Play Kenya will continue to support Sophie and will, in time, arrange for her to have long term play therapy with a qualified play therapist to deal with the atrocities from her very early life. Sophie will have a future thanks to the work of Play Kenya. She will have an opportunity to form friendships; she will be able to access education without the emotional blockages that have been inflicted on her.